Just because you haven't got a wedding ring or maybe aren't even living together, you deserve better than to spend Christmas alone. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? This isnt just unhealthy but also damaging to the relationship. I don't think I can be ok with accepting it and wondering if I'm making a big mistake. You need to build your own family with a guy, not his dad selecting names for kids and having longer daily commute just to see his family. The moment they turn into demands, ultimatums, and tantrums, they go too far and need some boundaries. So, I've been dating my boyfriend for nine months. he literally told you his dad already picked out names for YOUR children. ZWRmNGZjODBmNTBkYmJlOGQ5NWI5ZWJmNGQ0NDVhMGVkODlhYTZiNDVjN2M0 He used to be attentive and loving, but now he loves his daughter more than anything else. He is perfect for you Except, hes not. Ya thats weird. Please make sure you read our rules here. Boyfriend chooses his sister over me. They had an arranged marriage after migrating to the U.S., where my boyfriend was born. eyJtZXNzYWdlIjoiZmJkNDZiMjEwMmU5NDg2ODY1NTU3MDIwOWU4YzI0NmQz The only reason he'll stay at his mom's place is that he's still close with his stepdad and sister. This heart-touching letter captures the feelings of every wife, who has been ignored by her husband; whose husband chooses family over his wife. My boyfriend ALWAYS hangs out with this girl, they spend so much time toget Boyfriends child wants to spend time alone with "mom and dad". If hes a good bf, hell understand why youre feeling that way. I feel like she is controlling what I do. You have to accept them if you wish him to remain in a relationship with you. Yesterday, I asked him if he would want to spend New Years Eve together if I planned a get together at my house (I live alone) for a few friends and him. How To Cope With A Breakup You Dont Want? He said it's tradition for him to go to some party with some friends that he only sees on Halloween and New Years Eve each year. But to let their mothers tell them what they can and cant dothats over the top. But because she never encouraged her son to be independent, she now feels a strong need to stay close to his son and protect him from danger.. She often feels lonely and doesnt have productive things to engage in, so she focuses on people in her family who can give her a sense of importance. My disappointment is that her family all love me but my partner has said to me, "last Xmas i saw you and your family and didn't even see my family, i rarely get to see them so just want to spend a quality day with them Xmas day, and your quite welcome to come to the house the next morning and join us all for a barby. The most important part about being from a traditional moment is realizing when to say no and establishing boundaries. After 7 years we don't spend holidays or birthdays together-what does this mean? You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient. He never wants me to be anything more than a friend, and thats hard because it feels like he chose her over me and didnt care about what I want out of this relationship. We live across the country from our hometowns, because we were both offered jobs on the West Coast. By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. Where we work same city as mom. So, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship. His family should be making room for you in their lives. Do fathers love their daughters more than their wives? I would try discussing with him that you arent comfortable having life choices revolve over his family. When we fly home, my boyfriend and his mom barely speak to each other. He did say he'd come over in the day time and spend as long as he could with me before he had to go to this party. You raise kids who have no idea what a loving, high-functioning, healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks like. 1. He needs to grow tf up and be a man, I suggest not staying with a grown man who has the mentality of a 3yr old child. He didn't invite me to come with him to either one. 2. The result is something ofestrangement from his mom. We never saw him the 5 years he was married. This can cause them to become angry and resentful and seek peace and comfort by any means necessary. Her weekends are filled with this and she knows it will doom her. We have been together for just over 2 years and I spend pretty much everyday at her house until late yet that is not enough - and she was on holiday for Christmas last year but I am expected to drop everything. Share your story below. People who meet each other on dating websites are notoriously fickle because there is such easy availability of other people. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. My brother never spent Christmas with his girlfriend, always came home to be with our family. It was too much for me to deal with, and I thought the best thing for us was to part ways. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. Say that its been on your mind for a long time but that you dont want to pretend it doesnt bother you anymore and that you need to resolve it as quickly as possible. You deserve to be with someone who chooses you! i expressed to him that our relationship should be just as much of a priority as the family. Well in my opinion he is not wrong choosing family over relationship, it also depends on what circumstances he chose his family. This is how he wants to live. Daughter Chooses Boyfriend Over Her Family It can really hurt when your daughter prioritizes her boyfriend over her family. My boyfriend always chooses his family over me My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. People who always put their family first are common and normal, you cant force them to just stop hanging out with their family because you want them to. In 2014, I met a guy. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning theyre always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. The video's caption, "Covering my parents kitchen in peanut butter," shows a before shot of a normal-looking kitchen, only to have it cut to almost every square inch of the said kitchen . i broke up with a boyfriend of 6 yrs for the same reason. My boyfriend doesnt show me any love anymore. This post is for women whose boyfriend chooses his mother over them. My advice is to talk about it with the guy first and try to resolve things. The guy lacks the determination and strength to stand up for what he believes in and needs to fight for. And hurt, hed rather not get. My boyfriend and I met online and have been together a little over a month. It's give and take. Im not going to give up on him. He said it was just kind of a thing he did every year. I think hes just not that into me anymore. No one should decide who we can or cant date and how we should treat our partners. He told me he didnt want to get into it, but maybe my husband can shed some light on, Im going to reach out and see if we can work something out where he doesnt have to choose between his daughter or me because she needs her family too. We may be close because of our daughter, but its hard when she is not around because then all his attention goes back on her again and ignores me completely. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. So I am confused as to whats the hold up. And if you wish to discuss it with us, sign up for coaching on this page. I came back home to spend my Summer holidays with my parents. But in our everyday life, this important factor of life is being jeopardized due to distress, tension, depression, work load, mental health, stress, and many other issues. We'll be on the phone or a Zoom date and she always needs him for something . I doubt you LOVE spending every moment with her family. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. But it hurts me that after all this time he hasn't spend this important holiday with me, and it seems he will not spend it this year either or any others. So much so that I've never even met her, nor am I allowed on her property (which is actually no issue for me I'm OK with staying far away from her, believe it or not). She's being selfish. If he cant handle healthy boundries then you decide if this is for you. I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. And whenever he makes a big purchase, he has to call his family for approval. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. MjM2NzcyODM2MTM5NWEyOTRjNTg1YjMyNmQ5YjJmODRmYjc1ZGQ1MDE0ZDA4 I know buying a house is probably the biggest decision we'll ever make, and theres so many factors to it. Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. You don't get a free pass. We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. Boyfriend will not introduce me to family or tell his ex-wife he's dating, Friends with benefits didn't want to spend the night. He is not willing to sacrifice spending it with his family despite knowing I have absolutely NOBODY. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, doesnt understand relationship boundaries, getting out of his comfort zone and making decisions without his mother. February 28, 2023. ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk Im not going to give up on him because it would make me feel like a failure, and I need all the family that I can get at this point in my life. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Quite the contrary, she's sort of just let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day. So start the conversation respectfully (not meekly). I have a friend who is trying to get away from this dynamic. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. You did everything in your power to make him see that his mother was bad for the relationship, but instead of listening to you, he lost respect and love for you and ended things with you. Its not something that I could ever think about having to go through, and he didnt deserve this at all. He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. But I did it anyway. I cant believe he chose his daughter over me, I dont know what I did wrong, but its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. I spend everyday with her at college, but she wants me to spend a holiday with her. Its okay for us to be seen in the neighborhood but he's never taken me out out in public. Thats why he lets his mother do what she wants and allows her to get inside his head and affect his relationship. I've been thinking about divorcing him for that.. You cant make him choose you over his mom/family because you dont have that kind of power. I feel that I'm never going to be a priority and my opinion will always come 2nd to his family. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. Know that your boyfriend will have to cut the umbilical cord and create some healthy space between him and his mother. Compromise somewhere!!!! This is not " close' this is toooo much. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. it wont stop here. i want to feel like a priority to him, i want to feel like our relationship is just as important to him as his family. My boyfriend had to choose between mom and girlfriend. They dont need a third person meddling with their business and giving them conflicting advice. Now I get along with them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the sons home. I, personally, can't even wrap my head around it. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. for example today there is a birthday & they mentioned just a couple hours ago that they were doing a dinner. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. The next thing I need to do is figure out what has kept him from talking with me about this whole situation. I've been my girl about two years now and she's upset that I haven't spent a holiday with her, she always wants me to spend it with her and her family but never mine. 1. Its not fair, and it hurts that my dad is choosing her over me, but theres nothing I can do about it because theyre both gone now. & with them being such a large group theres pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. MWI2ODQ2M2RkMzcxZTA1NTViOWU2ZmRkNDVhZjUwYTZhNWViNDFkNjVhYzEz I even offered to spend the evening with her on Christmas Day but that isnt enough either. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. I HATE the holidays! Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. My boyfriend eventually talked me off the ledge. In 2014, I met a guy. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. I don't want my family to feel like I no longer care about them. Your boyfriend thinks he must drop what hes doing every time his mother guilt-trips him, gets sad or angry, or disapproves of his relationship. 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